She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
