I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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