i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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