i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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