Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
