Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
