Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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