google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just sent this text using only my big toe
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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