dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
