I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i've created a new STD.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
