haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
