yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
