Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
