I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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