I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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