Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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