Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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