you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
