Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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