i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
