Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
