I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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