To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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