mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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