If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
foreskin is a definite game changer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
