Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
