fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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