yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
