Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
