i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
