Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
