I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
