I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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