my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Congratulations! We have a period
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