You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
