just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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