I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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