I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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