Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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