it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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