I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
