I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
