thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
