getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
