She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
