It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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