Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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