I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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