I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
