so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
