I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is Oprah even human
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
