Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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