I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
