P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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