You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
