I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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