The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize