I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
