After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
