made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
