if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
